Burning down the house…feeling like a pair of uncomfortable clogs

This past week has been chock full of revelations and aha moments.  (Did Oprah coin that phrase?  Because if so, I’ll choose a different one.  Booo Oprah!)

You know how in the military they say that they have to break you down before they can build you back up?  That’s what happened.  Last weekend I felt like I was finally broken.  Things just weren’t going my way, and my list of grievances was hella long.  (Why does Festivus have to be in December?  I need a monthly airing of my grievances!). But, as has become the case with my life, things started dropping into place.

I began to work with a new therapist.  I have high hopes for her and what she seems to be capable of doing.  I will not ever stop digging until I reach the end.  And the end, my friends?  Is peace.

But, the biggest push for me this week came in the form of a blast from the past.  I have a wonderful friend named Dana.  She is the coolest.  She has been working her fingers to the bone to launch her jeans company and she really has potential to be so successful.  I’ve always been so proud of her.  But, what she did this week is literally a turning point in my life.  She texted me, then emailed me, and then texted me again.  She wants me.  ME!!!  People, this is huge!  She wants me to write the blog for her company because she thinks that I have a flair for writing and she thinks it could give her company an edge over it’s competitors.

After the crap storm of my life over the last few years, this vote of confidence has meant the world to me.  And hell yes, I’m gonna do it!  I’m going to write the shit out of those jeans.  I’m going to represent the woman who is exhausted and drained.  Who is a mom, a friend, a wife (or ex-wife), daughter, sister, friend.  The typical woman who really, really just wants her ass to look good in jeans without having to go to The Buckle and have a 20something size 0 say, “um?  Try these?  They have a lot of stretch.”   (I hate you Buckle girl!)

So, this boost in confidence, along with some little pieces of peace (omg…that’s going to be my band name.  Pieces of Peace.  Carry on.) and I’ve turned a corner.  That’s where the title comes from…burning down the house.

I had a dream the other night and it’s one of those where you wake up in the morning and say to the dog, “hey po?  Did our house burn down last night?”  Can you relate?  Anyway, in my dream, my house was on fire.  My home.  The one I have lived in for 11 years.  It was burning.  I was standing outside, with my kids and animals.  I knew that they were safe, so I was watching it burn without any fear.  With no emotion, actually.  It is just a thing.  My precious possessions were standing by my side.

And that is how I feel.  My previous life is burning down.  I do have emotions about it, for sure, but I’m not crippled.  I’m sad.  I’m disappointed.  I’m a tad lonely.  But, I’m not broken.  I have my most precious possessions by my side.  And together, we will be totally fine.

And the uncomfortable clogs?  That’s what I’m wearing in my imagination.  They are heavy.  They are clunky.  They don’t fit right.  But, over time, they will become perfect.  They will form to my feet and turn into my favorite thing to put on.  This new life of mine feels a little heavy.  It feels clunky and I’m not sure how it looks.  But, it will transform and I am confident of that.  I’m on the right road and it feels good.

Disclaimer:  I do NOT, in fact, wish for my house to burn.  Please don’t alert the authorities for a potential firebug situation.  Having a house is nice.   It’s all a metaphor, for Pete’s sake!